If you care about being a team with your partner then you probably check in with each other about parenting decisions, work schedules, household chores, etc.

But do these check-ins sometimes leave you feeling MORE stressed and discouraged?

That can happen if you and your partner get defensive when you share complaints.

So instead of feeling like you're working together with your partner, you end up feeling more alone and disconnected -- like you're working against each other.

This is something that my partner Sunaina and I are still working on too.

Because the truth is that check-ins in with your partner can often feel like you're just taking turns criticizing each other.

And it's hard to feel like you're on the same team if you're not even sure your partner cares about the same things as you.

In order to change this challenging dynamic, try this:

Start your check-in by sharing 5 things that you and your partner want to celebrate about each other and your relationship.

You could thank your partner for watching your kid in the morning so you could sleep an extra 15 minutes.

You could celebrate that you were able to eat a meal together and you enjoyed feeling like a family.

These expressions of gratitude can remind you both that you're more than just colleagues who live in the same house.

Your bond with your partner goes far beyond your shared responsibilities.

But it's easy to forget that fact when a lot of your time together is focused on family "work."

So the next time you check in with your partner, I invite you to share 5 things about them or your relationship that you're grateful for.

And notice if you feel like more of a team for a change.

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