Getting ready for a baby is both a super exciting time and also a super stressful time.

Babies are adorable little bundles of chaos and can disrupt even the most well-prepared households.

So it’s natural (and a bit scary) to wonder if any marriage can be ready for a baby.

If you can relate to this, then it might make sense to look for proof that your marriage is ready.

Like checking if your husband earns a certain amount of money, or unloads the dishwasher like he said he would.

Accomplishing those goals can make it feel like he’s reliable, and therefore the marriage is ready for a baby.

But the reality is that testing a partner like this is draining because it requires constantly watching and evaluating their actions.

Also, you're not going to get a conclusive answer this way because everyone makes mistakes sometimes.

And of course, it doesn't feel good to the husband who literally feels like they're being judged.

So instead what I recommend is a technique called partner problem solving and the gist is that instead of testing your husband, you work together toward a clear goal.

First you have to choose that goal by answering this question, “What is the most important thing you need from your husband to feel ready for a baby?”

Maybe your answer is getting support.

Then you can ask your husband, “Can we find something that you are willing and excited to do that would give me a sense of support?”

Then brainstorm ideas together and pick one.

Maybe he cooks dinner a few times a week, or he starts doing all the laundry.

As long as a strategy meets your need for support and your husband is willing to do it, then it checks the most important boxes.

Try an idea for a week or two and then decide if it works out for you both.

If it does, great! — you've just proved that you can work together, AND you’re giving yourself exactly what you need to feel ready for a baby.

But if the cooking or laundry doesn’t work out (and it’s normal for some attempts to not work!), brainstorm another strategy and keep trying them until you find one that works for you both.

This is how you work together with your husband to prepare your marriage for a baby.

What do you need from your partner to feel ready for a baby?

Send me your answer and I’ll help you come up with strategies to try.

-Matt