There are two ways to write a Mother’s Day card for your mom or mother figure.

The first way is to scribble something like, “I love you, Mom,” and call it a day. Sometimes that’s the best we can do if we’re busy or tired.

But have you ever tried the second way to write a Mother’s Day card: crafting an authentic and touching message?

It’s super hard!!!

I used to write for a living and I STILL struggled to tell my mom how much she meant to me in a way that didn’t sound like I’d ripped off those little heart candies.

Talking about feelings is tough in general, and writing about them in a card or letter can be twice as difficult.

But it’s worth the effort.

Because when we tell our loved ones how we feel about them, we can strengthen the bond between us. Sharing our feelings helps our mothers understand us better, which in turn invites them to feel closer and more connected with us.

So if you have the time and energy, I highly recommend writing a touching message for your mom or mother figure. 

I’ll show you how to do it in four steps.

And if you follow my method below, it doesn’t matter how good of a writer you are or how close you are to your mom — you’ll be able to write an authentic message that helps your mom feel seen and appreciated.

The Meaningful Memory Method

I call this the Meaningful Memory Method because we’re going to find a meaningful memory of your mom and use it as the foundation for your message.

I’ll also include examples for two hypothetical people: Distant Diana, who doesn’t have a close relationship with her mom, and Close Caleb, who does.

Step 1: Choose a meaningful memory

The first step is to think of your mom and write down any pleasant memories that jump into your mind. If you remember them easily then they’re likely meaningful to you. 

Write down at least 3-4 memories. You don’t need to describe them in detail, a short phrase or sentence is enough.

If you’re having trouble coming up with memories, think of your first memory of your mom, or the last time you saw her.

Now that you have a short list of memories, you’re going to choose one for your message. Choose a memory that makes you feel strong, pleasant emotions, and one that you’re comfortable sharing.

If none of the memories give you pleasant emotions, choose one that feels the least unpleasant.

Examples:

• Distant Diana had trouble thinking of pleasant memories so she chose a time she rode a merry-go-round with her mom when she was a child. 

• Close Caleb chose a recent memory where he and his mother traveled to Japan together.

Step 2: Describe what makes the memory special

For step two, download this document from the NYC Nonviolent Communication group. The first page lists feelings that everyone experiences, and the second page lists needs and values that everyone has in common.

Hold the memory in your mind and picture yourself inside the memory. Remember the sights, sounds, smells, and experience of that memory.

Now look at the feelings sheet and write down 2-3 pleasant feelings that describe how you felt in your memory.

Next, look at the needs and values sheet. Write down 2-3 needs/values that your mother helped you meet in your memory. Don’t overthink it – use the ones that jump out to you.

Examples:

• Distant Diana felt happy and warm in her memory of the merry-go-round. In this memory, her mom helped her meet her need for fun and spontaneity.

• Close Caleb felt exhilarated, inspired, and thankful in his travel memory. In his memory, his mom helps him meet his need for adventure, support, and self-expression.

Step 3: Describe what makes your mother special to you

Now you have a meaningful memory, and a list of feelings and needs that describe your relationship with your mother. 

Take a step back and think of the role your mother has played in your life. Consider everything you’ve written down. Summarize what makes your mother special to you, in one or two sentences.

Examples:

• Distant Diana realizes that her mother hasn’t always been around, but she’s always tried to make Diana smile when they’re together.

• Close Caleb thinks about how his mom has always supported his interest in trying new experiences.

Step 4: Put it all together

Now you’re ready to write your message. I’ll list the steps below and then share the completed examples.

1) First, describe your memory and how it made you feel. 2) Share the needs your mom met for you in the memory, and tie that into what makes your mom special to you. 3) Next, tell your mother why you’re thankful for her, or you can tell her that you love her. 4) Lastly, wish her a happy Mother’s Day.

Congratulations, you’ve just written an authentic and touching message for your mom or mother figure!

Let’s see what our hypothetical friends came up with. 

Here’s what Distant Diana wrote: 

Dear Mom, 

I think I was five when you took me to the playground down the street and let me ride the merry-go-round. I remember I was so happy there that I didn’t want to leave. We don’t see each other a lot, but I know that you’ve always wanted me to be as happy as I was on that merry-go-round. Thank you for always doing your best to make me smile.

Happy Mother’s Day.

Love,

Diana

Here’s what Close Caleb wrote:

Dear Mom,

I’ve been thinking about our trip to Japan last year. That was one of the most exhilarating and inspiring times of my life, and I’m thankful we could share that adventure together. You’ve always encouraged me to find my own path in life, and your support has meant a lot to me. I’m excited for what the future holds, and I hope that includes more adventures with you.

Happy Mother’s Day.

Love,

Caleb

Show your mom that you care

The Meaningful Memory Method is a fantastic way to practice gratitude for your mom or mother figure because it describes the real ways that they’ve made a difference in your life. 

Writing a touching message for your mom every year can be challenging, but you’ll never run out of things to say with this method because the smallest memory or interaction can be used to reflect on their role in your life.

And if you want to share more with your mom, you absolutely can! You can go into more detail about the memory you shared and how it influenced you, or you can write about more memories. There’s really no limit to what you can share.

Whether you use this method or not, I hope you show your mom how much you care for them this Mother’s Day. It might give them a meaningful new memory too.