I’m in Colorado with Sunaina and our daughter, and a few days ago we went on a hike with friends.

Sunaina carried our daughter in a massive backpack that made me nervous. 

“I’m worried about your back,” I told Sunaina. 

She didn’t take it off so I kept telling her to be careful until she got so fed up with my nagging that she handed me the backpack.

And when my back started to hurt, Sunaina got mad: “I KNEW this was going to happen,” she said. “Why can’t you listen to me?”

After a while, Sunaina wanted to take our kid back down the trail and I wanted to keep hiking with one of our friends. 

“You should come back with me,” she said. “Your foot is already sore and you’re going to make it worse if you keep going and I don’t want to hear you complaining.”

“Fine,” I said. “I won’t complain.” 

“Fine,” Sunaina said. 

But it wasn’t fine. 

We both wanted to have a good time and enjoy our friends and the mountains but we couldn’t because we were furious with each other.

Does this situation feel familiar?

Fortunately that’s not what actually happened.

What really happened is that when Sunaina put on the massive backpack to carry our kid, I started to say I was worried, but Sunaina caught my eye and said, “Don’t worry, I can handle it.”

And I trusted her, so I said, ‘OK.”

After a while, Sunaina wanted to take our kid back down the trail and I wanted to keep hiking. 

“My foot’s been sore so I’m not sure if I should keep going,” I told Sunaina.

And Sunaina trusted me, so she said, “If you feel up for going farther, I think you’d enjoy it.”

So I went on the hike and had a great time.

And Sunaina had a great time too. 

And the only real difference between that frustrating hypothetical version of events and what really happened is that Sunaina and I trusted each other to make decisions for ourselves. 

We offered our opinion, but we didn’t try to make the decision. 

So we both felt free to choose what felt right, and our choices felt light and easy.

And we had a great time. 

That’s what trust can do.

If you want more ease and lightness in your relationship, think of one way you can show your partner that you trust them today.

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