I messed up again

Over the last week, I’ve messed up in a bunch of ways:

• Kept telling jokes when my partner Sunaina wanted me to listen (a known pet peeve)

• Forgot the lunch Sunaina packed for me

• Locked myself out of my office so Sunaina had to come unlock it (same day as lunch)

• Tried and failed to put our four-year-old to bed without Sunaina’s help

• Didn’t water Sunaina’s favorite new plant enough and now it’s sad

I could go on a LOT longer but I think I’ve made my point: I mess up a lot.

And it would be understandable — maybe even expected — for Sunaina to snap at me, scold me, or give me the cold shoulder sometimes.

But over the last week, she never did anything more pointed than some impressive eye rolling at my jokes.

Which wasn’t always the case.

We used to trade cold shoulders (mostly me) and angry words.

We rarely yelled at each other but we could sigh and avoid each other’s eyes like nobody’s business.

To be honest, we still do that stuff sometimes but it is EXTREMELY rare.

Because the truth is that we’ve learned to accept that we’re both going to mess up (constantly, in my case).

And we’ve learned that messing up doesn’t have to ruin the day (or week) like it used to.

Because now we talk as soon as we’re both able to.

We take responsibility for our actions, even if the result wasn’t what we intended.

Then we make a commitment to do things differently next time.

It’s pretty simple, and yet it’s helped us feel more caring and supportive toward each other.

So messing up doesn’t feel like a big deal anymore.

And we can focus more on the stuff that matters, like enjoying each other’s company, and rescuing the plant I almost killed.

If you’d like more caring and support in your relationship, think about a mistake you made recently that affected your partner.

What could it look like to take responsibility for your actions, and how could you offer to do things differently in the future?

If you’re up for it, tell that to your partner.

-Matt

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