If I was getting married today
Many years ago at my cousin’s wedding, he asked me if I had any marriage advice for him.
I blanked and muttered something about always making his wife happy.
Whenever I remember this, I regret that I didn’t offer something (anything!) more useful than a Hallmark card.
Later this week, my cousin’s sister is getting married. She hasn’t asked me for marriage advice, but I started thinking about what I could say that would share what I’ve learned as a relationship coach.
It will likely sound like this:
Congratulations!
Like any big undertaking, marriage will have its ups and downs. This is inevitable.
If I was getting married today, and I wanted to make the ups feel higher and the downs feel not-so-down, I would sit with my partner and talk about a few things.
First, I would celebrate how far we’ve come. Marriage is a big deal! I would celebrate what we love about each other. These are the qualities that will help us remain committed to each other.
Next, I would imagine, “What do we want our lives to look like in 5 years? In 20 years? In 50 years?”
These dreams will be the goals we’ll spend our lives working toward. They won’t happen by accident.
And last, and perhaps most importantly, I would ask my partner, “How can we learn to disagree and still love each other?”
Our answer will determine how happy we’ll be.
Again, congratulations! Enjoy your lives together.
And if you can, have this conversation every six months or so. You won’t regret it.
If you’re thinking about getting married some day, maybe tuck this away.
And if you’re already married, it’s never too late to have this conversation.
You won’t regret it.
-Matt
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