Let go of what isn’t serving you

I still remember how nervous I was the first day Sunaina and I started teaching relationship skills at a local prison, especially when twenty prisoners walked into the room and the correctional officers walked out. 

But then the men started telling us about themselves, and my heart broke. 

“Growing up,” many said, “I only knew how to act with anger and violence. I wasn't taught any other way to deal with conflict.” 

“And what brings you to this group today?” we asked.

“Because look where anger and violence has brought me,” they said. “I want to learn a different way.”

These men had taken a hard look at their choices, and they could see how their habits weren’t serving them – and were in fact hurting them.

But we don’t have to go to prison to take a sober look at ourselves and see where we have room to grow.

For me, I remember being newly married to Sunaina and watching her cry because I kept giving her the cold shoulder when I was upset. 

Growing up, I used the cold shoulder often. I didn’t even know I was using it sometimes. But seeing Sunaina’s tears, I realized that it wasn’t serving me the way I wanted it to. 

That was the moment I decided to change how I talked to Sunaina, so that we could feel like we were coming together instead of drifting further apart.

Have you had a similar moment of recognition where you noticed an old habit wasn’t serving you? 

If you’re not sure, I invite you to check in with yourself, “What is something I do that doesn’t feel good, either for myself, or my partner?”

It could be giving the cold shoulder, raising your voice, or something else.

If you’re feeling brave 🙂, you can ask your partner: “Is there something I do that doesn’t sit right with you? I want to keep learning new ways to show up as a better person and partner.”

For the men in our class, their moment of recognition came after they were in prison. But you don’t have to wait to hit rock bottom before you take action.

You can learn a better way to show up in your relationship and life whenever you want – after you decide to let go of what isn’t serving you.
If you’re ready to take action now, schedule a discovery call to learn how I can help you get more trust, closeness, and support from your relationship.

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