Sleepy time feels

Many years ago when I was a student at Stanford, one of the most impactful classes I took was called “Sleep and Dreams.”

It was about the science and function of sleep, which sounds boring but it was actually pretty wild.

The instructor was the late Dr. Dement, who looked like a kindly mad scientist and acted like one too!

He’d do crazy things like bring narcoleptic dogs to class, and he’d cackle every time he caught a sleeping student. Then he’d shine a spotlight on them (this was in a big auditorium) and give them extra credit.

He handed out extra credit instead of a punishment because he wanted all of his students to value sleep as much as he did.

Because after decades of research, Dr. Dement had concluded that most people didn’t listen to their bodies when they felt tired.

People would try to push through their tiredness and then pay the price with poor test scores and dangerous car accidents (driving tired is basically the same as driving drunk, I learned).

Dr. Dement had a saying that I still remember more than 20 years later: “Drowsiness is red alert!”

That class was the first time I realized that unpleasant feelings have a purpose.

Feeling tired wasn’t “bad” or something to avoid, it was a message that my body wanted me to take a specific action.

Which is a lesson that I now share often in my relationship coaching work.

Feeling overwhelmed? You might be needing more movement and rest.

Feeling angry? You might be needing more understanding and consideration.

Feeling alone? You might be needing more connection and support.

Nowadays I think of unpleasant feelings as your “North Star.”

Whenever you’re not sure how to take care of yourself, your feelings are there to guide you.

So I invite you to consider — what are you feeling right now?

And what is that feeling telling you that you need?

-Matt

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