Why is your loving partner so selfish?
Today I want to explain why your loving partner seems so selfish.
This might especially resonate with you if you feel like you do most of the heavy lifting in your relationship, and meanwhile your partner doesn't seem that motivated to offer support.
You know your partner loves you and cares for you – they’re just not offering to help a lot.
And so it's natural to wonder, “Why is my loving partner so selfish?”
It might be hard to believe this, but there is a good chance that your partner doesn't understand what you want from them.
I'm speaking from the perspective of a relationship coach and also the “selfish partner” in this situation, because my partner and I have learned that we think about our family and household responsibilities VERY differently.
We both want to support each other and have a healthy, happy family – but the way we approach our responsibilities can create an uncomfortable imbalance.
I’ll show you what I mean.
Let’s pretend that your relationship is a canoe.
Are you always on the lookout for cracks to patch, and other ways to make your canoe sturdier and stronger?
Or do you assume your canoe is working just fine unless you notice a leak – and that’s when you’ll take action?
If you sometimes think your partner is being selfish, then you’re probably taking the first approach to your relationship canoe.
And that approach makes sense!
Proactively looking for cracks means that you probably get a lot done in your relationship and household. And fewer things end up slipping through the cracks (pun intended).
And chances are, your partner probably treats your relationship with a more hands-off, go-with-the-flow approach.
In theory that might not seem so bad – your partner is likely capable of being a patient and calming presence in your relationship.
But when you feel like you’re doing everything for them, then the last thing you want to see is your partner being chill and relaxed while you’re doing all the dirty work like throwing the trash and making dinner for the kids.
That's when your loving partner starts to seem incredibly selfish.
To hear more about this topic, including:
How my partner and I are changing this dynamic in our relationship
A thoughtful way to divide responsibilities with your partner
How Brene Brown asks her partner for support
Click here to listen to my latest podcast episode (6 minutes long) on Spotify.
-Matt
