3 things every couple should do before having kids

One day we’re lovebirds binge-watching Netflix and sleeping in on weekends. 

The next, we’re exhausted, knee-deep in laundry, and bickering over whose turn it is to take out the trash.

Sound familiar?

Let's be honest — marriage after kids can feel like we’ve entered a bizarre parallel universe where everything is simultaneously more important and more exhausting.

And most of us don't realize that we can actually do something to make this transition easier.

The big lie about marriage

The story we get sold is that love is all you need. That if you marry the “right” person, everything else will fall into place.

And maybe that felt true when it was just the two of you — when you had time and energy to figure things out together.

But when kids enter the picture? That time and energy evaporates. Poof!

Suddenly, you both become slightly unhinged, overtired versions of yourselves who snap over the smallest things.

Like the wet towels on the bathroom floor. Or the sigh your husband makes when you ask him to vacuum the living room.

Tiny things that never used to bother you suddenly feel like proof that you're both playing for different teams.

But here's the good news: you can get back on the same page.

There are three critical things you and your husband can decide together that will help you feel just as close and supported as before kids — maybe even more.

And it’s never too late to tackle these three things, even if your little ones are already here.

1. Own your own feelings & needs

Dating (and marriage before kids) is a magical time. You pour love and attention into each other with few distractions.

Then children arrive, and suddenly your attention is split between a thousand things—kids, work, bills, the house, in-laws… the list never ends.

If you're still relying on your husband to meet all your emotional needs, you're going to end up at the back of a very long line.

I know this isn’t what anyone wants to hear, but it’s the truth.

That's why taking responsibility for your own feelings and needs (hello, self-care!) is so important.

Because when you need less attention from each other to feel okay, it becomes easier to feel connected.

2. Learn how to disagree without feeling like enemies

No matter how much you love each other, you will disagree.

And that's not a sign that your marriage is doomed — it's a sign that you're two separate human beings with, you know, different brains.

But how you handle those disagreements? That's what’ll make or break your connection.

If every fight drives a wedge between you, it's going to push you apart over time.

But if you learn how to disagree in a way that still makes you feel like a team, it changes everything.

Because instead of seeing each disagreement as a battle, you see it for what it really is—just another part of your relationship that doesn't define your love or the strength of your marriage.

3. Agree on the big picture of parenting

Here's the truth: you won't have parenting all figured out before you have kids. You'll be making decisions on the fly for years.

But having a general game plan? That helps a TON.

How many kids do you want? How will you raise them? What values matter most to you?

You don't have to have all the answers (who does?), but when you're both on board with the broad strokes, the million little parenting decisions get a whole lot easier.

And even if your kids are already here, it's never too late to get on the same page.

Because figuring this stuff out together will make the next 20 years a lot smoother — and a lot more fun. 😀