5 simple habits to avoid resentment in your marriage

Resentment doesn’t show up overnight.

It creeps in slowly — until it’s too big to ignore.

Like when your husband comes home late, and instead of feeling happy to see him…

You feel irritated. Maybe even angry.

Because you don’t get that kind of freedom.

You’re juggling everything — keeping the house clean, making sure everyone eats, squeezing in work when you can.

You love your family, but some days it feels like you’re the only one behind the wheel.

And the longer that feeling lingers, the heavier it gets.

Left unchecked, resentment can poison even the most loving marriage.

But here’s the good news: resentment isn’t inevitable. You can stop it before it takes over.

And if it’s already there? You can reverse it.

Here’s how.

5 habits to avoid resentment in your marriage

Habit #1: Speak up before small issues grow big

Tiny frustrations grow into massive resentment when they’re left unspoken.

And I get it, it’s not easy to bring things up, especially if you’re used to keeping the peace.

But here’s a simple way to start. Say, “Hey, I noticed this happened. Can we talk about it?”

I try to do this within five minutes of something bothering me. If that’s not possible, I bring it up later that day.

Because the longer you wait, the more it can fester — and a minor frustration can turn into a major problem down the road.

Habit #2: Assume good intentions

When we don’t know why our partner does something, our brain fills in the blanks.

And honestly, it usually assumes the worst.

Like when my wife doesn’t say hi to me, my first thought is, Is she mad at me?

But 9 times out of 10, she just didn’t see me.

Clinical psychologist Dr. Becky Kennedy says a healthier practice is to use “the most generous interpretation.”

So when your husband is late to dinner, you could assume he’s stuck in traffic… instead of being a selfish jerk who doesn’t care about how long you’ve been waiting.

It won’t always be true, but assuming good intentions stops resentment before it has a chance to take root.

Habit #3: Repair after arguments

A lot of couples think repairing after a fight just means saying, “I’m sorry.”

But if that’s all there is, it can feel like issues are getting shoved under the rug until the next blow-up.

Instead, a better approach includes:

• Giving yourself space to cool down

• Taking responsibility for your part

• Talking about what you’ll do differently next time

• Sharing what this brings up for both of you

The more you practice this, the easier it becomes to move forward — without dragging old fights along with you.

Habit #4: Say what you mean

Recently I asked my wife, “Are you done with breakfast?” She said yes.

Five minutes later, I got frustrated that she wasn’t ready to leave.

“You said you were ready!” I said.

She looked at me, confused. “You never asked me that.”

Oops. She was done eating — not ready to go.

Lesson learned: Be clear about what you want. For me, that could’ve meant asking, “Are you ready to go?”

Here’s one more example:

Instead of, “Is your show almost over?” Try, “Can we catch up when you’re done?”

Way less room for misunderstandings — and way less frustration with each other.

Habit #5: Balance the scales with positive moments

According to research by Dr. Gottman and Robert Levenson, happy couples have a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions.

The negative ones happen on their own. No effort needed there.

But you can tilt the scales in your favor by adding more small, positive moments like:

• Doing a “cheers” with your morning coffee

• Asking about his favorite sports team

• Surprising each other with unexpected kisses (if it’s welcome)

These tiny acts build a buffer. So when the tough moments come (and they will), your relationship is strong enough to handle them.

Get started with one habit

This isn’t about never feeling upset with each other or never having arguments.

It’s about getting things out in the open before resentment takes over.

So don’t stress about mastering all five habits at once. Just pick one, and try it this week. See what happens.

Because the more you’re on the same page, the more life will feel like something you can enjoy together.