How to emotionally connect with a husband

A lot of couples can feel like things are “off” or “missing” in their marriage because they know they’re with the person they want to spend the rest of their life with…

Yet they don’t feel as close as they should.

If that’s something you can relate to, you might’ve figured the answer was to have a big heart-to-heart conversation. 

Which can be difficult (or impossible?) to squeeze into an already bursting calendar. 

Fortunately, it’s possible to spark feelings of connection and compassion between you and your husband in less time than it takes to microwave a frozen burrito. 

I call this a “breakthrough conversation” because it lets you quickly connect on a deeper, emotional level, and also opens up the door for more heartfelt conversations.

And it even works with a husband who doesn’t talk about his feelings.

I’ll show you how to have one.

Step 1: Let your husband direct the conversation

Making an emotional connection with your husband can come from talking about things that are important to you. 

The topic doesn’t have to be “emotional” or about your relationship. 

In fact, it can be harder for a husband to connect on an emotional level if he feels like a conversation is being steered toward an uncomfortable topic, like a recent argument.

So in order to help your husband feel safe enough to open up, let him choose what to talk about. 

Step 2: Ask your husband an open-ended question

Encourage your husband to open up about something he cares about by asking something like:

• “Looking forward to anything?”

• “What’s something you’ve been proud of recently?”

• “Anything been on your mind lately?”

He could answer the question, change the topic, or he could say that he’s not ready to talk right now. 

Whatever he does, follow his lead.

Step 3: Go deeper with follow-up questions 

If your husband keeps the conversation going, you can invite him to open up more by asking follow-up questions like:

• “Can you tell me more?”  

• “What are you going to do?”

These questions keep his focus on the topic that he wants to share with you, which makes it easier for him to open up.

If he keeps sharing, you can keep asking follow-up questions:

• “Can you tell me more?” 

• “What do you hope will happen?”

• How do you feel about that?” (If you’re feeling brave)

Step 4: End on a high note

Eventually your husband will slow down and stop talking (or maybe your frozen burrito will be ready). 

End the breakthrough conversation on a high note by telling him, “Thanks, I liked talking about that with you.” 

By not pushing to talk more or making a big deal out of the conversation, you’ll help your husband feel safe and he’ll be more likely to open up to you again in the future. 

Breakthrough conversations can take a few minutes, or they can also last for hours. 

Get one started when you’re both needing a quick dose of closeness and compassion. 🙂